Last week, I posted pictures of myself on my Twitter account and a dear friend of mine from high school messaged me privately and asked me how I became so confident and honestly, I didn’t know how to answer. Or at least the answer didn’t come to me right away. That didn’t make me too comfortable however, that’s not the point.
Self confidence for me was an interesting journey, which I must say was long, tiring, but definitely fulfilling. I won’t fill this post with a sob story, because I probably won’t finish it if I do that. Self confidence is a journey, it isn’t set in stone, there are no set ways to achieve it, there is no map that leads to it, I know that may seem contradictory to the word “journey” but that’s what it is. However long it takes, it’s a journey.
I was very critical of myself, as are other people who suffer from low self esteem, I was so critical that I envied the way others looked, how much recognition they got, how much I didn’t see girls like me on those “bad girl” pages, how guys went after them, and just how nobody recognized my beauty.
“beauty is within”
This commonly used quote to me doesn’t just mean having a beautiful character or personality, “inner beauty”, to me, it means finding the beauty within your self, whether it be your appearance or your personality. Beauty to me can only be recognized from within yourself. No amount of compliments or recognition received from others can substitute that. I learned that the hard way, but I learned it nonetheless. Love yourself.
Though it is harder than it sounds, love yourself. wholly, unconditionally and obsessively, and most importantly, UNAPOLOGETICALLY.
I have gone from pointing out my flaws every chance I got, to looking in the mirror and smiling when I saw the person looking back at me.
The biggest thing that helped me during this journey (even though it isn’t quite complete yet) is my journal. Or my several journals. I found solace and purpose in writing my emotions down on something tangible. It allowed for me to have a sense of purpose, it allowed me to feel. Many times I would isolate myself, basking in my solitude, focusing on my emotions, just getting away from the world, no pressures, no insecurities.
My advice is, don’t focus on them, focus on yourself. Find beauty within yourself before you look to others. SELF confidence, SELF love. No one can give that to you. It’s yours for the taking. Take it at any time, any where, any amount you want, it’s yours! All yours.
Speak to yourself, spend time with yourself. Cry, scream, but don’t ever lose yourself.
Another thing that helped me significantly is, listening to empowering music. I know this may seem a little *foolish*, but it worked for me. Beyoncé Knowles, has had such a resounding impact on my life. It is more than just music for me. The songs: “Bow Down/I Been On,” “***Flawless,” & “Flawless Remix,” which I believe are her most *diva* type songs, the wreak self confidence. I am not exaggerating when I say I listened to those songs everyday. Those songs, the lyrics, everything about them. They make me extremely happy and make me feel so in love with myself whenever I sing the lyrics. 10/10 would recommend.
Back to the “not looking at those bad girl pages” issue.. I deleted my Instagram because I constantly felt pressured, in the way that I was never recognized on those pages, I didn’t get attention if I didn’t post certain types of pictures (I am not bashing those pages/pictures, please do not interpret this as slandering), I constantly felt envious of girls who got that attention (even though I’ve never posted pictures like that to get that attention), all those “slim thick” girls, girls who were posted all over social media with people praising them.
I also deleted my Instagram because I felt extremely angry and insecure that my boyfriend liked some of those pictures of those girls with big breasts, hips and the works. I would get very defensive and angry at that fact, because I was very insecure about myself, no matter how many times he would say to me “you’re the only one I see” “you’re the only one I’m attracted to,” it didn’t resonate because his actions showed otherwise. This toxic behavior happened because I was very insecure, ( I still don’t like when pictures of girls who aren’t me are liked, because I’m the only girl he should like, but yeah.) So I deleted my Instagram because of that.
I also deleted my Instagram account because it is one big popularity contest, and I ain’t with it. I ain’t with it anymore, and never again. I was never attracted by popularity or interested in it, so I still don’t know how I got so wrapped in it, but I am glad that’s over and I can write and laugh about it.
I am 5’3″, 110 pounds.
These are two recent full body pictures of me; you can see why I wouldn’t be ecstatic about seeing all those “slim thick” “bad girls” all over social media, I look nothing like them. Yes there is support for girls like me and skinnier, but they are white girls, so excuse me for being insecure and angry at the world. It’s all love, everyone has their time.
it is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY
Self love is the best love, get any amount you want, there’s enough to go around three times over. Peace.
you do what you want when you poppin’
NAYVADIUS DEMUN WILBURN
Add me on Snapchat: empressmomo. If you ever need to speak or just have any questions or just wanna chat, email me at : email@example.com.
here is the link to the book I purchased. I also recommend another one, here’s the link