let it flow

I made a post on instagram the other day explaining in short, how powerful speaking things into being is, and i realized that maybe I should post about it, talking more in depth.

I admittedly get a little worked up whenever i am overly stressed, or when people (particularly extroverts) don’t understand when i desperately need my own space. i admit it. But, i have valid reasons to get ‘worked up’ whenever someone chooses to grind my gears for no reason. What valid reason could there be for a professor with a Doctorate, all these accomplishments etc, have to pick on me? Tell me.

So I find myself in a Human Ecology class, it’s one of my university exploration requirement classes, so of course I have to do it, so I threw it in the mix with my other business classes this semester, thinking it was gonna be super fun and interesting. Who would’ve thought that I would be yawning, twitching my legs just to stay awake? Funny right? So apart from the extremely bland class sessions, I believe this professor has a problem with me.. Maybe it’s because I talk/participate in class too much, maybe I have insight and she could possibly feel threatened by a nineteen year old (but really fifteen on the inside), or maybe just maybe it could be that my ‘attitude’ bothers her. Maybe just maybe because I answer when she snaps ” get off your phone Chloé!” 🙂 I do not use my phone in class because she makes us zip it up in our bags and put them on the floor, so explain.

Or maybe it could be because I walked into class late because I just had to get my hot beverage along with my breakfast as I do every morning. It could also be because when she snapped “where have you been?” to me when i walked in, I reacted by laughing and walking to my seat. That might just be it. I laughed because I honestly did not know how else to react. Like, hello. You see this hot beverage in my hand. You knew.

It could be because as she scrolls hella fast down the Power Point which provides us with the notes for the class (straight from the textbook by the way), I sigh, huff & puff, roll my eyes  thinking “you see us writing. you can not possibly expect us to get all of this info down if you’re scrolling so fast.” I think this is the reason. She’s clearly a mind reader. She knows all that goes through my head during her class. LOL, no. It’s just written all over my face. 🙂

SO, the midterm rolls around, it’s on a Wednesday. So I chuckle to myself thinking “Alright boom” because I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to write on that exam, so after “reviewing”, I just wing it and “boom it up“. So Monday rolls around and we’re set to get our exams back. I sit at the front of the class, the extreme front, to the professor’s left, by the podium. Main reason is so I don’t fall asleep. So, we’re sitting in class, all 14 of us, she walks around with the exam papers, gives all but two of us, exams back, and walks back to the podium. She has to pass me to get to the podium. She packs up her stuff and gets ready to lecture the class. So I turn around like ???.. HELLO! So the other student asks where our papers are and she goes “uh oh I didn’t realize” and she shrugs it off. So my Spidey senses are going off and I want to pop off. Cya cool cya quench, ever burning fire. I want to pop off but I keep it.

After class I stop to talk to her asking her about office hours & if I can set up an appointment.. So I ask “Do you have time today?” she goes “I don’t have time” with the power of 100 earthquakes the way how her head was shaking. I held a huge Jamaican “my girl” back with the power of Olive Oil Eco Styler gel.

I went to my therapist and I went off, I just popped off and I was fuming mad, could not keep it together. For about three days I kept having rants upon rants, a gazillion temper tantrums over this one lady, then today I sat there and reflected on something my therapist said. “Chloé I think you’re allowing her bad attitude to take advantage of you” I know it seems simple but think about it. How many times have you just been feeling so great and as soon as someone with a Grinch attitude tries to slaughter you with their problems everything is ruined as soon as you reiterate?

This brings me back to getting worked up. I spent so much of my precious time and energy arguing how much anguish this lady is causing me that I didn’t realize I was adding to it. It’s a simple mistake we tend to make, thinking that answering anger with anger will solve it. This is on a case by case basis, and we need to understand that too. Look at how that man on social media came so hard on Kaci Fennell for her stay goodness. She blasted him & others like him so gracefully and I truly admire that. I also realized that I should’ve done the same thing I did the first time the professor tried to blast me; laugh it off and move on.

SO something happened that made me totally regret getting so worked up over the entire situation. She had to put two of her dogs down, one because of lung cancer and she broke down in class and I honestly felt so sympathetic and I immediately regretted having those negatives things to say about her. I saw this video later in the day and the topic was basically the same thing I’ve been talking about, you know, being wary of how much you let things affect you, and also being aware that sometimes you never know what people are feeling, what they’re going through so you should always be careful how you approach people. Having this experience recently, smacked me in the face.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” – Wendy Mass

So next time just be a little more empathetic 🙂 .

Learning to not let the silly problems of others affect me is something I’ve been working on. It is quite difficult because I tend to be really emotional, and sensitive about the emotions of others. I think more than anything I focus a lot on helping others, which isn’t a bad thing. But I need to accept that some people can’t be helped until they realize they need that help. I hope that’s not confusing. I was one of those persons. I would always isolate myself, naturally I am a recluse but I mean hardcore isolation. I had to learn from being totally helpless because I relied on myself so much that I need to know when I need to humble myself and ask for help.

One thing I always recommend to people is to do self-reflection, everything in moderation. It’s so important to look at your strengths, weaknesses etc to see what you can be better at. Accept the things you can’t change, work on the things you can.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. LOL this made my day! Thank you for this!!!!

  2. drewkiercey says:

    Mama say , “It could also be because when she snapped “where have you been?” to me when i walked in, I reacted by laughing and walking to my seat” Attitude! Cya cool cya quench, f’real.
    On the Fottah Hype sumn, the man is a woman beater and chattah box and as my mother say him mouth eva look stink, men like that you walk off cause them just a look attention. Man commin’ like the Jamaican Azealia Banks. Big up Kaci for what she said though, I know a lot of women felt empowered by that.
    I once had a b!tch of a Chem professor too. Woman was hilarious, she hated us, we hated her but we were swapping stories about her and the class bonded without her. So it fe go.
    Any way, your story #BAAD girlie, it made my day. Whe bad attitude a go fe true?

    — Bless

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s