the little things

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the best things in life aren't things..

I've seen this quote so many times and I never really understood it until the past few weeks, months (whenever), when things started to crumble. I won't really get into detail yes I know I titled the post details, BUT, stay with me here.. when you're stripped down to the bare minimum, to essentially nothing (unwillingly of course), when you have to claw your way back to the top yourself, you tend to appreciate *things* more and you tend to realize just how much your energy is truly worth. Energy encompassing: your time and most definitely space in your mental.

I have admittedly been quite the hypocrite where 'spending your time wisely' is concerned.

An idle mind is the devil's playground.

This is another quote that I've seen quite a bit, heard a couple times, okay maybe more than a couple.. and I would always say, "me? idle?" or "that could never happen to me?" but…

I'm not saying I've become a rebel (always a rebel 'gainst the system don't get me wrong) but I haven't been true to myself and I've honestly been on quite the downward spiral. Consider it a never-ending existential crisis if you may. I've constantly been pondering " why aren't things going my way?" "I can't get a break" etc and it wasn't until a few days ago after I did something life-changing and it backfired that I realized I wasn't my true self. What a reality check! In all honesty, I desperately needed that, I'm just kinda sad that it took me so long to realize that this has been a facade. I've been ignoring a lot of the baggage that I've had to bear and I think it's time I faced this. This is sorta like at the baggage claim area.. that one bag that just happens to twist out of control and make a mess of the entire line of bags behind.  I promise, this isn't a breakup song, I just don't want to be that bag anymore. I want to be the conveyor belt, not that I want to carry all the bags (I'm tired of being everyone's conveyor belt to be VERY honest) , but that I have everything under control. Okay, that may not have been the best metaphor to use; but you get me?

You are the sun, you shine, but you can also be so blinding

We've all been there, the point where our goals and aspirations engulf us to the point that we forget to take others into consideration. It's natural. It's happened to me recently and I honestly had to take a breather. I became so obsessed, I mean I'm naturally a slightly obsessive person, but I became so aggressive that I began to step out of my skin, so I had to step back. I don't know but I feel like this is something that happens to many of us, we push and push until we burn out, many of us don't get back up. We don't restore, we don't try to renew or restart.

I've devoted this month, July to renewal, not just for the very silly mistakes I made from January to June, but to renewing my spirit. I want to care for her, nurture her, make sure she's clean to the bone, all skeleton vex. This is something that I've been working on for the longest, but you know how distractions are… This is going to be a real rocky journey but one definitely worth it. Start where you are, use what you have and do all that you can. 

today is the day I open my eyes to a brilliant new day of light AND love

The past few months have been… interesting to say the least. I feel like every time I come to rant I lose another "friend". I'm not sure if that's proof that i'm growing as an individual and out-growing some people is a side effect of that or if I'm horrible at friendships, let's see. I'm trying not to be pessimistic here, some support please guys!! Hello!

I don't take too kindly to pity parties I never requested being a part of. Why is it that whenever you express yourself to some people they use it as an opportunity to one-up you on the "my struggle is harder than yours" front? Is that how life is gonna be for some people? A never-ending competition? I can't live like that anymore and I really do apologize to the people I've had to leave behind for this reason. I also don't appreciate "friends" who aren't willing to just listen to what you have to say, sometimes I don't want you to try to fix me or my problems. I'm not an issue. I'm a person!

There's a time and place for everything

Whether you believe it or not, this rough patch will pass, you'll get past it, and you'll blossom and be even more fruitful than ever all you really need is to have a little faith in yourself and TRUST THE PROCESS! These may be things that you hear quite a bit but there's always room for growth and constant reassurance is a definite plus.

Please share this link – I am in desperate need of finishing my college degree!

stay true to you. 

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